To meet me, some think I have it all together. Some say I’m strong, amazingly in control and even fearless. Others say I’m just plain crazy.
Well, yeah, they’re right.
Truth be told, I’m also broken.
Life is fragile and precious and it never quite turns out the way you originally planned.
21 years ago I married the love of my life and together we had two incredible children who, as parents would expect, taught us how to LOVE far beyond what we could have ever imagined.
The unexpected was having two kids born with Cystic Fibrosis and the excruciatingly painful lesson of how unbearable life can be when you bury your child because of it.
I’m forever broken.
I’m forever crazy.
I’m forever strong.
As most of you know, Jena was 13 when she moved up to heaven in 2006. Jena has graced me by leaving her heart in my soul. Her infectious smiling spirit remains alive and well and that keeps me broken… crazy… and strong.
My son Eric has a ‘Pain is not a valid reason for stopping’ tattoo which honors his sister and is a constant reminder to me.
But sometimes I want to stop.
Sometimes it’s so very hard not to throw in the towel and say ‘I just can’t do this anymore!’
This past month Eric had some dreadfully serious complications regarding Cystic Fibrosis. After the immediate crisis was over, it was all I could do to just breathe.
I was not strong. I was far from being in control. Fear once again invaded my thoughts and heart. I cried for hours and hours on end. All I could think was, I can’t lose him too!
As a mother we do all we can for our children, it’s what we do, and pain is not a valid reason for stopping. Either is fear.
So I cried, I yelled, I prayed…
and I cried some more.
Then, when I could…I got back up.
I can’t stop.
Pain and fear do not stand a chance against the power of LOVE.
I may be permanently broken but unlike all the King’s horsemen who failed to put Humpty Dumpty together, I’m held together by remarkable friends and family, loving generous hearts, and God’s grace.
I may be cracked but that’s ok.
I’m full of (Jena) pennies from heaven…♥♥♥